the hardest day tomorrow???
July 18, 2006
Hi guys…. Well, we have settled back into our routine so quickly and it is like we never left. I am so happy to see the kids and to be busy getting everything wrapped up these last few days. I am feeling almost a little panicky because i want to make sure i have done everything i needed and wanted to do. I am reviewing all my pictures, making sure i have one of all the kids and thinking of everyone on meds and making sure they are all better. I am careful to make sure i have made a mental note of everyone’s facial expressions, smiles, dimples, eyes and of course their laughter… i will never forget the laughter here. I can tell i am already gearing up for the goodbyes….when i went to the internet shop, i savored my conversation with my friend more than usual. I have made friends with the boy that pumps my gas (he calls me mama, but i am not sure that is a compliment because usually the older women are called mama), he fights the other boys to make it over to the car to pump my gas… i always laugh and he has the most beautiful smile… i studied his face harder today. The little man that sweeps the sidewalk outside the internet shop that i chat with everyday, caught me staring at him as well. I am just going to miss so many things…. But not that rooster…. Did i mention that i could hear that stupid rooster in
Cape Town? Every time it was a little quiet, i could hear that rooster….
Okay, deep breath. I am thinking tomorrow might me my hardest day. All the kids that have not been tested are being tested tomorrow. Including the new guy…(.he is soooo cute). It has been a battle though, let me tell you. When i first got here, no one was in favor of being tested because of the stigma attached to it and how it was better to be ‘in the dark’ than to know. Now, they have been counseled and half have been tested. But this last group will be the hardest. I fear that if all the tests don’t come out negative, will i be blamed? Will they dislike me? so close to the end of my trip too. I don’t want it to end on a bad note…. But i am here for this reason as well. It has been such a struggle getting this last group tested for some reason. The clinics have been impossible to get into, mama had her reservations at first with the person coming (trust is a challenge at times for many people here), but finally, we are at the point to test. It is the rapid test that is going to be done, so, we will know all the results tomorrow. Please pray for negative results. I will have a counselor on hand for any troubles we may have. This group is old enough to have many transitions and anger to go through if the results are bad. so i am very nervous. Please start the prayer chain again. I always get a pit in my stomach before I do this because even though someone can look very healthy, they can be HIV positive for around 10 years or more before they show signs of being infected… So you really just never know.
I have to say, after they are tested, i will be glad this part is over with. This has been hard. At times i have wished that i could have just come over here to just love on all these people and not have to test, teach, change things in the house and so on… i could just be the friend and mother figure i want to be, but i am not here for me… i am here with a clear purpose that is not of me at all. God placed this on my heart long ago… i am merely following orders… J Maybe i will come back sometime with no official ‘plan’ and just love, love… i have formed wonderful and tight relationships that will last forever.
Please pray fervently tonight. I will check in tomorrow with hopefully good news. Thanks again,
We love you all,
Jennifer, joseph and james
July 18, 2006 at 6:58 pm
Hi Jen, well it really is hard to imagine that you are on the home stretch of your time in SA. It probablly feels to you like you have been there for no time at all. Regardless of how the tests turn out the majority of the people there will always know that you were there out of love and dedication to help them, to tend to their good health and well being, and to be their friend forever. They have to know that only a person full of love and caring would have done all of the things you have done for them this past couple of months. If any of them are mad or upset those feelings won’t last for long. I have to believe that they all love you too much to be mad at you for anything. Take care and stay safe.
July 18, 2006 at 7:03 pm
i hope the results are good to Jen and I hope you guys are haveing a lot of fun and thats what it sounds like so be careful coming home to Kansas Have James Call me soon after you get home thank you!!
July 18, 2006 at 8:06 pm
Jenny,
I love how you are memorizing faces. They are memorizing your face, too, and they won’t hate the messenger if the tests are negative. They’ll continue to love you. I wish you could bring Phumlani to me. I want to take him to see a specialist myself! I’m sure he would love to learn how to build log houses with John.
Hello James and Joe! I liked seeing the pictures of you delivering the stuff you bought with your mission money. Nice work! Good choices on your purchases.
Love, Denise
July 18, 2006 at 9:00 pm
We’ll be thinking of you and the kids tomorrow. Our prayers and best wishes. – J,K & E
July 18, 2006 at 9:51 pm
You have two amazing sons who are going to become compassionate, caring men. That is a testament to their incredible mom!
Love the penguin pics.
bl
July 18, 2006 at 11:22 pm
Jen – We are praying, my heart aches for you tonight and what tomorrow could bring. It must very difficult -you are having your “children” tested! and it’s very scary. We will pray for a 100% good results! Love to you all!
m.
July 19, 2006 at 2:02 am
Jennifer — I just read an article on line from the Shawnee Dispatch, in June of 2005, about Oceans of Mercy and Mama Gladys! Very interesting! But here is what it said that encouraged me to post;
“He pointed out that in South Africa, not every woman is called “Mama.” The unofficial title is bestowed upon only the most respected women in the society.”
So there you go, “mama”!
m.
July 19, 2006 at 5:26 am
Hey Mama!!!
I think I’ll just call you that from now on. People already look at us funny when we hang out together, so what’s one more strange thing? Anyway, mom and I are going to be praying for good results for your tests. It really does seem like you’ve been having trouble getting the latest tests done.
Keep up your tenacity. Remember you can’t fight it if you don’t know you have it. You said that, and no matter what, this is the right thing, and everyone there has learned this through you. You will not be resented for that. Anger, yes of course, but at you, no way!!
It really is a little weird hanging out around DeSoto without you. My dad is working at the Silver Wheel in town on Monday nights. I went up to see him last night and there were a bunch of girls in the bar when I got there. One of them shouted my name when I walked in. (HOPE STRAMPE!!) I didn’t know her. She looked familiar, but nothing came to mind AT ALL. It ended up being Lisa Glass. She said she didn’t blame me though for not recognizing her. After all, she didn’t hang out with the stuck up girls. After I apologized for being stuck up in high school, we had a couple of beers and a decent time. I’ll tell ya more about it later.
Well, I gotta go!
I love you and will pray for your kids!!
Hope